After a long night of candlelight adventures, involving a deep dive through my mental and emotional state, reading old journals and having reflections on life and my purpose — I knew there was one thing I wanted to do for you today, upon my waking. There was one mission I had to fulfill as my duty, on this Wednesday, in the middle of August, in the year 2025, one quarter of the way through the 21st century, what is most likely to be known to humankind as the greatest century in human history.
I have to tell you something. First of all. My two dollar candle (it was $1.99 at Kroger) is STILL going. I must have gotten forty or fifty hours of burn time out of this baby. Unassuming and unscented, it looks like a glass of milk, with white wax, and it sits in a literal glass cup, that looks like any regular, cheap glass drinking cup. It cost two dollars at Kroger. Yet it is the most superior candle I have ever spent my money on.
George Washington spent $15,000 (in modern monies) in candles to get through a winter. That poor guy. He had a large estate. I wonder how many candles he had. What was he getting up to?
I was thinking about him because I feel blessed that my fire light is cheap as heck, in the modern world. And I was thinking about him burning candles in the winter because I’ve been thinking about how this candlelight thing is going to go when the nights are fifteen hours long.
I’m ready for it.
We need torches.
So, again after writing all day yesterday about finding the Fourth Gigachad, Soubureizu, I am now fully in on this Gigachad quest. Today, you don’t need a huge entire Pokemon Gigachad discussion. You don’t need a full story. You already know the criteria for making it on the Gigachad squad — you certainly read my last blog post. You are invested now, I know, you know the backstory, the failures of the giraffe and the dolphin and the scarab beetle.
And if you read my post TWO posts ago, you may remember that I said I had a lot of eggs in THIS guy’s basket.
This is ドラメシヤ, Dorameshiya, AKA Dreepy.
Let me tell you about this thing.
As I first began my great Paldean adventure, it wasn’t long before I started to spy a strange icon pop up on the radar. There’s a little minimap in the game that shows you what Pokemon are around, and I started to see, occasionally, a giant triangular head, with big yellow eyes, and with blue and green coloration. Whatever this Pokemon was, it had my interest, and based on the colors and the fact that I always saw it by rivers made me think it must have been some kind of frog creature. I guessed it would be Water / Grass type, most likely.
Every time I saw the icon, I went to it, trying to find one of these mysterious creatures. I had been hunting for it, couldn’t find it, couldn’t find it — and then one day, I finally did.
It was not what I expected. A whispy little green weakling, floating in midair, with big yellow eyes.
What the heck is it?
Interesting Pokemon, though. And it was not a frog, not Water or Grass-type at all. No, it was Ghost / Dragon. That was the most shocking thing. Ghost / Dragon? A dragon ghost? Okay. Before, it had my interest. Now it had my attention.
Pretty much all Dragon-types are powerful. And the fact that it was also a ghost? Something good has got to come out of this thing, right? Something really good. That was my thinking.
What was Dorameshiya’s secret? I was very curious. I kept it around, and I trained it. I trained it. I tried to fight with it. But here was a problem.
Dorameshiya is the weakest Pokemon in the game, by far. No contest. Even worse than Karabou, the fire knight child, even worse than Teddiursa, the cute little teddy bear.
Dreepy could not kill anything, Dreepy could not hang around with anyone, in any fight. Dreepy was 100% useless. Could not even finish someone off.
I would set up a Pokemon for being taken down. Surely, I could put Dreepy in, after weakening it, I could bring in the Dreepster and have it get the finishing blow and get a little extra exp. Right? Surely Dorameshiya could handle things now.
No. My Dreepy must have been KO’ed about fifty times.
Long story short — I completely gave up on using Dorameshiya or getting anything out of it at all. He was simply not a part of the game. He was just on my team, growing, waiting, slowly leveling up and doing nothing, all in the hopes of future greatness. I stuck it out with this yahoo until about level 42, and then I started to feel suspicious, that he was STILL stuck as a runt, that far along. Surely, he should be evolving now. Surely he must stop being an unbearable weakling, like, NOW.
I did my research, WITHOUT any spoilers (so I didn’t know what the evolutions would look like, because that takes a lot of the fun out of it), and the omnipotent internet gave me some answers. It told me that I didn’t have to do anything fancy. No trickery, no cursed armor. You just had to stick with this loser until level 50. And then, for the final form, level 60. SIXTY.
Come on!!!!
But you know, if they are going to make you wait that long, the longest you ever have to wait for an evolution in the history of Pokemon — the payoff MUST be good. Right? It MUST be.
Still, I was bored of sticking it out with Dorameshiya. I put him away and turned to other Pokemon, tried many others. But no one was making the cut, except Tinkaton, and then Soubureizu.
And then yesterday evening, I knew what I had to do.
I had to know if Dorameshiya was going to be the fifth Gigachad.
I evolved him into the second form. Now I had some hope.
Now, look at what we got here. ドロンチ. Doronchi is quite a step up. And that’s a cool name — Doronchi. We are starting to have a Pokemon here.
Dorameshiya just went and got its older brother. At least he looks like he could handle himself somewhat more, and he could. Doronchi could actually fight now, although it was still nothing powerful.
This was encouraging. Who would follow Doronchi? We had to get to level 60.
It was a slog, I’ll tell you. It was taking quite a time to get from 50 to 60. And for those last few levels, I just decided — I was all in. My primary objective was getting Doronchi to 60. I had to know.
Could he be The Fifth Gigachad?
I have to tell you guys, I was somewhat afraid of knowing the truth. I was afraid that all of my investment would not pay off. I was afraid of being let down.
I had put so much time and energy into this weakling. I had him for most of the game. And now I was about to have my answer. Gigachad or no?
Well y’all.
I’ll let you decide.
ドラパルト, AKA Doraparuto, AKA Dragapult.
Is this The Fifth Gigachad?
This is definitely the fifth.
Look at that slant in the eyes; look at that squint. What a sassy Pokemon! A giant salamander tail! And what’s up with the hands? Why does it hold its hands like that? That’s just goofy.
Something about it is giving cat. I don’t know what it is.
This Pokemon is a trickster. This Pokemon is full of swag. And he’s using his children? brothers? sisters? as ROCKETS?? Do you see the Dorameshiya in the slots on his glider thing?
As soon as he evolved, he learned ドラゴンアロー (Dragon Arrow). That involves him launching a bombardment of his Dorameshiya children at the enemy Pokemon.
Come on. That’s badass.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Doraparuto is The Fifth Gigachad.
And you don’t even know about his STATS yet.
The stats are out of control.
Speed 200. Yes people, 200. At level 60. Unprecendented. Never before has a 200+ stat been seen. But he’s not just fast.
Attack 183. Very high. Special Attack 157. Still great. This makes him a dual-threat attacker. All shall fear him.
So, yes. Charisma? Swag? Absolutely. Power? Out of this world.
Confirmed Gigachad.
Welcome to the team.
Now, we just need one more to complete our team. We can have backups, sure. There doesn’t HAVE to be a limit on our Gigachad army. However, you can only have six Pokemon on the team at a time. That means that a true Gigachad gangster squad of hitters will have six at any time. And here we have five.
We have to find one more.
The sixth will be tricky, because they really do have to be a strategic choice. The current lineup of slammers is ballin’ out of control, but they do have one glaring weakness, probably two real weaknesses.
Pokemon strategists. Do you see?
If you are advanced, you may see hundreds of flaws in this plan. Well, I am not advanced. I’m basic. But I see two problems.
I simply have no way to defeat a Water-type.
That’s it. And any Fighting-type that knows a Dark move will give me a run for my money.
Can we have such a glaring weakness on our team, and truly have them be a gangster squad, if they can be so easily stymied by a measly Water-type? Is this acceptable? I don’t think so.
The sixth Gigachad therefore must be someone special. They must be an enemy of the Water-type.
I laid in bed last night, the question of The Sixth Gigachad occupying my mind. Yes, we need someone who can defeat our Water-type nemesis… yes, they have to be swaggin’, they must have unbridled raw power… Could it be an Electric-type? Is there a Grass-type yet untapped? Who can answer the call?
Swag and charisma, swag and charisma…
Could it be…
No, surely not…?
This one?
HAKUMUSU 