Soup

I made a soup.

Smosh came in from doing his manly car work. Such a man. I said this many times, as he was doing his car work, talking to myself. I was making a soup.

I had the ingenius idea whilst I was laying in bed, starving away. Very hungry. But I was not going to go out, and my brain got to working, thinking, thinking. What can we eat? I had black beans, but I can’t eat black beans by themselves anymore. I just can’t do it. Too disgusting. As in, the canned black beans, that are kind of mushy and gross. No, I can’t do that anymore. I had no bread. I didn’t really want bread anyway, but I kind of did, because bread is always at least alright. So, I laid in bed, hungry, and tired, from my long shift, needing rest, and recuperation, and my brain got to workin’. I have recently been making a soup, and have made it three or four times now. My brain was now starting to have ideas of cooking, which is basically the first time in my life I have ever had real cooking ideas. I remembered that I had some baby carrots, that were like three weeks old but somehow still totally fresh and fine, and I had a lotttt of kale, that was not going to be used any time soon, so thought I, because it would only be used for cooking the soup, and when was I going to make a soup again? But then I thought, well I can throw the black beans in, and I have the tomato sauce, and I already opened and used a little bit of the veggie broth I have, so, that’s it. That’s a soup right there. It’s not the soup I’ve been making, but it’s basically the same thing. And I’m starving, and I’m going to make a whole pot of that, and it will be absolutely loaded with kale, and carrots, and garlic, and I’ll use the whole can of tomato paste, instead of half the can, because, F*** it. Let’s see what happens.

That’s what I did. I cooked it up. Hanging out in the kitchen, and cooking that good ass soup up. And I ate the whole thing, as I wanted to do, because I could tell that my body wanted every scrap of those nutrients, and I was physically capable of getting it all in, if I really wanted to. But Smosh was outside, doing his car work, using some UV liquid and a blacklight flashlight to try and find a leak in his AC system, and I sat at the window and watched him do this in the darkness, as I ate my soup, which was pretty outstanding, but needed pepper, and then when I added the pepper, as in more pepper, because I had already put some in there, it was perfect. The whole can of tomato paste made it very citrusy, so it had a great tang, and then the kale was still crunchy, which was very important because the black beans had further mushified, and were then totally soft, but still tasty, and not a lot of chewing required. The carrots still had some bite to them too, so it was a good blend of crunchy, chunk, and mush. Very delicious and hearty. And then with the pepper, that little bit of kick. That was necessary. Smosh was out doing his car stuff, and on my third and final bowl, I thought, I should share this with him, because 1. he would like it and 2. if I really eat this full entire last bowl, I will be suffering. So I stepped out and said, “Smosh? Smosh? Want some soup?” And he did. I set him aside some, and then he came in and grabbed the bowl, and sat down with me at the table. Now, here is where there was some interesting dialouge and banter, that I can perfectly capture because it literally just happened. I was already saying to myself, and have said to Smosh before that he is a manly man. He has tools, and a tool belt, and does car repairs, and today he went to Lowe’s and got more tools, and then was just working on the car. So he came in, and grabbed his bowl, and said, “Thanks honey bun.” And I said, “A bowl of soup for my hardworking husband!” Something like that. I think it was a little funnier, whatever I actually said, and I said it like a little old housewife might say it, in that kind of voice, and he laughed, and sat down with me. And then we were actually having a family dinner time, and I did think, I’m kind of being like my mom here, for the first time, actually cooking something and offering it to someone else, nurturing the family, you could say, with my delicious cooking, and I asked him about the car, and he told me about what he was doing, and then I said some interesting things, and he said, after I was finished saying my interesting things, “What?” Because he had immediately gone into his phone, and was now doing whatever he was doing on his phone. And I said, in my little housewife voice, “Oh, just like usual, phone at the dinner table! So much for dinner time bonding!” Something like that. He had no response, being on his phone. And then I added, “This is why I’m sleeping with other men.” He still didn’t answer. “You probably didn’t hear that either,” I said, and got up, being finished, and having no reason to keep sitting at the table, because he had still not responded, and our extremely short conversation was now over. I got up and walked over to the sink, rinsed out all the dishes, and put the dishes in the dishwasher, by which time Smosh had finished his soup, and handed me the dishes and said, “Put these away like a good housewife!” And I said, “Yes, of course!” But to myself, I was thinking, which, isn’t it how funny this is? This was all just acting. But to myself I was thinking, Smosh, you are actually on track for being cheated on by your wife. You are actually perfectly emulating the behavior of a man who drives his wife to feel unloved and uncared for, and seek the companionship and attention of another partner. And I almost thought to say this to him, but I didn’t.

If you think about it.. Smosh came into my room when I had gotten home from work, and I asked him how his day was and what he was up to, and he told me that he had gone out and gotten tools and done things around the house (good manly man, I told you), but he forgot one crucial thing, that I would have liked, probably, which is that he forgot to ask me how my day was. I didn’t need to particularly tell him, but I would have liked him to have asked me that. And isn’t this also, a common complaint of wives?

I feel like I have unlocked a new skill of cooking soup. I really first put it together, the fun in picking out a recipe, going to the store and securing all the ingredients, and then cooking it up, and eating it, when I was in New York. When I lived with the gay couple, Ben and Chris (shoutout to Ben and Chris if you happen to be reading this ever, I still think about you guys and you are awesome) they had a vegan cooking cookbook, and there were many simple and delicious recipes in there, and when I was really bored, in the winter as well, same as now, I picked out a few and did just this thing. And now, a full year later, I’ve done it again, recently, with this soup. I found the soup recipe on the side of the veggie broth box, Kale and Cannellini bean soup. And that was when I really, for the first time in my life, felt the fun in what I’ve just described, in cooking. What I’ve really noticed about it, that I felt then and have felt again recently with making these soups, is that it is a truly calming and relaxing activity. It’s actually something to do, that nourishes you, and relaxes you, and takes up a decent amount of time, and makes you feel good, and exercises creative powers, and if you’ve never done the recipe before, teaches you something new. AND you can share it with people, and make them happy. That is A LOT of power of good in an activity. So, I plan on cooking more. And, when I went home for Christmas, my mom, knowing that I am interested in baking bread, got me a cooking magazine special edition BREAD, with like over 100 breads and bread type things like muffins, that I am itching to crack into, but I am intimidated, because I’ve never done it. And I don’t know what I would use for the baking, the pans, and the measuring equipment, and the kneading, the rising, etc.. But I know already that it is only a matter of time. It’s in my mind now, there is a space in my brain that is now dedicated to finding a way to start baking bread.

With the soups I’ve already made, and being a vegetarian, and with how much I love soup and beans and vegetables, and bread, having a deep, passionate love of bread, it makes sense for me to be a bread and soup man. I feel like, if I just specialized in making soups and breads, that would be such an incredible skillset for me to have. They also actually completely go together, because what do you want to eat with your soup? Bread, of course. Oh my god. It’s genius.